Normalcy

Finally, the house is starting to come back to some sense of normalcy. Mommy and her man-friend made it all legal and so he moved it. She let him move right into MY house and didn't even consult me. All his stuff is smelly and gross. The worst part was, right after they did the whole church thing they left me alone with Percy for a whole week! And they sent the older people over to give me my kitty prozac everyday.

When they got back I was excited to see Mommy at first, but then I remembered I was mad at her for leaving and gave her the paw. The only good thing the man-friend moved in was the fishies. So now I'm back to avoiding Percy's playful and annoying nature while staring at the fishies.

Bags Galore!

I am really starting to love this wedding thing mommy's doing. She comes home and brings all kinds of cool gift bags for us to play in. Big ones and small ones. Percy tried to hijack the really big, good one. I blocked him and tore off the handle - it was great.

Mommy has been really stressed out lately and not giving me my lovins. But I know that soon she will divert all of her attention back to me. And maybe Percy, but I try not to think about that.

This is what I do...all day long...

The Fishies Are Here!

Guess what?!?!?!? Mommy's man-friend moved a huge fish tank to my house the other day. Then yesterday my dreams came true - he put real live fishies in it! At first I didn't know what Percy was looking at, because he's stupid and sometimes plays with things that aren't real. But then I realized that there were real live fishies in the tank and my heart skipped a beat.

Mommy says I can only look and not touch. She even put a fortified lid on the tank. But I know - I just know - I can figure out a way to have a really good kitty snack. I barely ate or even drank my water from the faucet I have been so busy staring at the fishies.

I gotta go plot how to get in!

Kitty Cream = All kinds of good stuff

Sorry I haven't blogged in so long. Mommy hasn't let me anywhere near the computer in forever. She started putting this cream in my ear and for some reason, even though I hate it at the time, I kinda feel better later. Kinda relaxed and happier, even around her man-friend.

But I digress...I have big news to share with you. I'm getting the man-friend in a permanent way - Mommy says that he is going to officially become my daddy and that they're going to the church to make it happen. I would normally be pretty ticked off about this sort of thing, but my new cream tells me to chill and be content. I think this whole thing is why Mommy hasn't let my paws on the keyboard lately. She's been running around like a wet dog recently and acting stressed. Although she had promised me I'd never have to worry about a daddy, here it is in my face.

Aha! I have an idea! Maybe Mommy needs some of my kitty cream stuff in her ear!

Spreading Sunshine

For some reason, I have been feeling really friendly the past few days. I like to call it "spreading sunshine" to my peoples. I'm not sure why, but I seem to be in harmony with my environment and even don't mind seeing Percy prowling around the house. I actually let Mommy rub my tummy, which is typically off limits, the other night when we were snuggling.

Life is good!

She took me again!

Mommy must be very cross with me. She took me to the vet (aka Max the stabby place) again. She told the mean vet lady that I'd been acting "neurotic" and that I was pooping outside the box. So what? I don't like the box, and I especially don't like to share it with Percy. Oh she tried a new covered box, thinking I wanted more privacy, but really I poop outside the box because I don't like my environment to change. And lately, her man-friend has been visiting and I super-don't like him.

He has the audacity to call Percy his "buddy" - whatever. Percy is no one's buddy, he's just so dumb he actually likes humans. When we were at the vet's, I made sure that the vet lady knew I didn't like her so I bit her a few times. Not too hard, where Mommy might spank me, but a pretty firm clinch so she knew I was not happy with the situation.

After I was safely back in my carrier, I heard the vet tell Mommy "Fremont just needs some mood-altering medication to be balanced." Say what??!?! What the heli-copter does that mean??!!

Real dead fresh fish

Mommy went away for either four days or four years - I can't tell which one but it seemed like forever. She left me there with Percy! Then she had that vet friend come feed me and give me water and I hate vets! She smelled like other kitties, dogs and big animals. I was beginning to wonder if Mommy would ever come back...

I heard Mommy say before she left that she was going to the forest. I'm not sure why she wouldn't take me since she knows I love to smell the outdoors and sneak out all the time. But she packed up everything and wouldn't even let me dig in her bag. I wanted to hide under all the clothes so I could go with her. Percy slept the whole time she was gone and I was nervous so I licked and licked and licked.

The licking helped me prepare for when she got back so that I could surprise her with a big pile of kitty vomit. It was huge - one of my better presents. She smelled very strange when she got back. And her man-friend brought in real dead fresh fish!!! Real ones! I assumed they were for me but then he put them in the freezer - wtf?! I'm sure he's just saving them for my birthday or something. Why would any human want to eat real dead fresh fish?

Who are all these people?

On Saturday Mommy and her man-friend were acting really strange. They got up really really early - so early that I didn't even beg for water - and were going up and down the basement steps. Now, I've never personally been in the basement, but I hear there is much to hunt down there.

They took all this junk and put it outside and then all these people came and took it away. There were so many people and it made me nervous because they weren't coming to see me, like most people do. They were coming to buy Mommy's junk and I didn't like it. At first I begged to be on the screened in deck, but then I could actually hear all the people better and I didn't like that. So I went back inside and ended up on the couch, where I could keep an eye on Percy and the people outside.

The good, the bad, and the ugly

There's the good, the bad and the ugly from this weekend.

The good was that Mommy came home from PetSmart with new cat nip. Gorgeous, smelly, wonderful nip!!

The bad was that Mommy brought us a new scratching post and Percy rubbed his nasty smell all over it. I'm not getting near it.

The ugly is that Mommy's man-friend sprayed some horrid smell on the couch so we wouldn't scratch it.

What a wonderful weekend I had! Mommy was outside with my pseudo-daddy doing yard stuff and I sat in the window and watched the whole time. I'm sure she could have used my help, but for some reason she didn't ask for it.

The only bad part to the weekend was when my couch and bed were taken away and replaced with new ones. WTF?! I had to smell for a really long time and Percy kept getting in my way. I tried to mark both with my claws but Mommy put a stop to that. So now whenever she leaves I run over to the arm of the new couch (aka my new humongo kitty bed) and scratch away.

Has Spring Sprung?

Final-freakin'-ly! I've been waiting for spring to get here forever. Finally over the weekend the cat gods looked upon me with favor and gave me sunshine! Mommy let us go out on the deck for most of the day and I took all my many baths in the sun. Percy acted like an idiot and kept rolling around in the sun like he'd never seen it before. He's such an idiot.

The cat gods giveth, and they also taketh away. This morning I woke up to rain and cold (again). I think I need to pray harder.

Bad Trip

I was tricked! Mommy DID take me to the stabby place. It was one of the worst experiences of my life! First she put me in the soft-sided prison. Then when we got there and were waiting another cat - some dude named Bandit - was sniffing at me. I told him to back away. Not sure why he thinks I would like other cats.

The monster (aka the vet) took me back to weigh me and then stuck something up my arse. I made noises you didn't even realize existed. Why would mommy subject me to this? The monster wrapped me in this towel that smelled like other cats and brought me back into a room where mommy was. I made my dragon kitty noises and they gave me a shot.

When mommy finally took me home I thought "Ok, home is good. All the hurt is over." I was wrong. The monster gave mommy something to stick down my throat everyday! I absolutely hate it so I make sure to let mommy know every time she attempts to give it to me.

There was one small thing that the monster gave mommy...something mommy plugged into the wall and it smelled awesome! It made me feel relaxed and not quite as neurotic as usual. I heard mommy say it was "kitty pheromones" - I don't care what she calls it as long as it stays.

All clear?

I think it's going to be ok. Though mommy got out the soft-sided prison, she did not put me in it. Percy is so stupid that he jumped right in it, but only because there was a mousey in there. Unfortunately, my cat nip cigar was also in there, and I really wanted it, but not bad enough to step a paw into that carrier. I told Percy to give up the cigar or die, and he just stared at me and then leaned down and licked the cigar. I could have killed him!

It took like 87 years for mommy to get the cigar away from Percy and give it back to me in my kitty bed. I'm not sure why she got out my prison, but I guess since she didn't put me in it that I must not be going to the stabby place.

Surely Not...Not the Stabby Place

Surely not...she wouldn't...Mommy wouldn't take me back to the stabby place would she? (Oh, I learned stabby place from one of my kitty peers, Max http://psychokitty.blogspot.com/). She got out that awful prison case for me to travel in. That usually only comes out when I have to go to the stabby place.

I've been able to avoid going for years now. My luck may have run out, kiddos. Stay tuned...

That was a close one...

Last night I was laying on the kitty bed that mommy got for Percy. I was makin' biscuits when suddenly one of my softpaws got caught down in the fabric. I pulled and pulled but couldn't get it out! I traipsed around the house with the kitty bed hanging off my foot and made dragon kitty noises so mommy knew I was hurt. She came at me with a pair of scissors! I wasn't sure what she was doing so I growled a lot, but she just cut the fabric from around my claw so I could get it out. Whew! That was a close one...

What's up with this weather? On Saturday it was perfect! It was warm and sunny and mommy let us out on the deck for what seemed like all day. Then yesterday it was raining really hard and mommy didn't want us to go on the deck. I finally whined and scratched enough that she said "Alright already Fremont" and let me out.

I am still enjoying the new down comforter that mommy obviously purchased for me. I did get in trouble because I was grooming my front claws - and you know mommy makes me wear those dreaded softpaws - and trying to bite off that toxic evil softpaw glue and it drew blood. So I bled a little bit on mommy's white sheets and stuff - what's the big deal? She really yelled about it but I tuned her out (as usual.)

Mommy rocks!

Sorry I haven't posted in a while, but you know how busy Christmas can be. I'll fill you in on what's been going on in the Fremont Jones' household the last few weeks. On Christmas morning, mommy gave us treaters! Lots of glorious treaters! I ate so many that I threw up, but I loved them nonetheless.

It was wonderful for like 10 days because mommy was home every day just so she could be near me. She turned on the water and gave me extra kitty massages and lovin'. I'm glad she finally noticed how much I (and Percy too, I guess) was being neglected.

Just when I thought it couldn't get any better, she went away again! Gone for 9 hours each day and that means no lovin' for me. Of course, it does mean I can nap anywhere in the house without her fussing. I think to make up for it, she brought in a new extra present for me last night. It's a blanket thing that goes on the bed and it has real feathers in it! It's so soft and so warm. I thought I had died my 9th life and finally gone to kitty heaven.

Kudos to mommy! She rocks!